BP Encourages Conservative Principles

Jun 11, 2010

Dateline - New Orleans

In light of pending legislation, BP's CEO suggested Gulf residents "pull themselves up by their oil-soaked bootstraps". The announcement was made on Rush Limbaugh's nationally syndicated radio show where Republicna Senatorial candidate Rand Paul was also a guest/raving lunatic.

Rand Paul continued, "We need to get to the point in this country where we stop asking the government to enforce the laws and allow the free market to enforce them for us."

Tony Hayward continued "Exactly, the free market doesn't give a fuck about the Gulf coast residents. The free market just wants us to make more money."

Rush concluded the interview by adding "I'm just happy that I have the opportunity to start another failed marriage."

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