Jun 28, 2009
Dateline – Washington D.C.
In a shocking move, Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele came out with a new plank to the Republican National Committee’s platform for 2012. Flanked by Former Miss California Carrie Prejean, Governor Mark Sanford, Senator John Ensign, Rush Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich, he announced that the GOP was going to encourage the outsourcing of wives in order to save traditional marriage.
“In an effort to show the American people that we are serious about new ideas to move us into the 20th century, the Republican Party is announcing our intention to encourage the outsourcing of wives to allow for marriage to be strengthened” Chairman Steele stated. “The Republican Party has encouraged numerous members of the party to participate in wife outsourcing over the past few decades in order to show the public that one can leave your original wife, for a new and more cost efficient woman and still allow for the marriage to be strengthened and costs remain low. Low cost equates to higher profits, and that is the backbone of marriage and the American dream. Holla back.”
Asked why she had signed onto this plank after her much publicized stance in support of traditional opposite sex marriage, Ms. Prejean stated, “After talking to Sen. Ensign, having him perform a full cavity search on me for gay cooties, and him reassuring me that this would not take away my right to free speech, I signed on wholeheartedly. This is what my grandfather fought for.”
“We are thrilled that Rush Limbaugh has signed onto this conservative strategy to preserve families and he will continue to read from his GOP provided script for the next 8 years. Being the leader of the party, he wanted to ensure that his experience in wife outsourcing would be made legitimate in the party that he so loves. We plan on having him testify in Congress about his experience to attempt to pass a law that would allow for the liberal lie of “adultery” to be struck from the civil legal language.” Newt Gingrich added.
Rush went on to say “I am honored and humbled to be here today to share with you more about me. Wife outsourcing is a conservative principle that goes back to the days of Abraham. We expect that the silent majority of American males will quickly jump to the cause of freedom that this new idea signifies. If anyone knows Michael Jackson’s doctor, please have him call me.”
Asked if they had anything to add to the announcement, the Sen. Ensign and Gov. Sanford declined, stating only that “we are here mainly because we both got kicked out of our houses.”